Thanksgiving is complicated. Especially this year.
While we pine for the iconic holiday fantasy of eating way too much turkey and stuffing, watching football, and hanging out with friends and family (even the annoying ones), the truth is more challenging for many of us.
One survey found that “people would rather skip dessert than risk hearing another one of their uncle’s disagreeable political rants.”
Are we surprised?
As we head into Thanksgiving after a high pressure election, wars continuing in the Middle East and Russia, and with many people stressed and on high alert…how can we give thanks, connect with those around us, and also have challenging conversations—even if we know we all won’t agree?
The answer: build a brave space.
According to Rabbi Matthew Gewirtz, an expert facilitator (who also happens to be my brother-in-law), a Brave Space, distinct from a safe space, supports and encourages us to be able to talk about hard things, but coming from a place of compassion and humanity.
Matthew has a framework that all of us can use not only at work, but during our Thanksgiving meal as well.
Here are the four steps to build a Brave Space:
- History – Seek to understand someone’s history. What makes them who they are? Don’t assume you know everything about Annoying Uncle Fred’s background. Be brave enough to ask him.
- Good faith – Make sure people know that you’re coming from a place of positive intent. We often assume the opposite (I know I’ve been guilty of this!).
- Be a grown up – In other words, bring your whole self to the table. Or as I sometimes rephrase it: “Bring your most appropriate self.”
- Find out what people care about – When you find out what drives people and what they truly care about, it’s easier to find compassion.
So when Uncle Fred (or in my kids’ case, Uncle Ethan) goes on his rant, remember Rabbi Matt’s framework for building a Brave Space, and you may find yourself showing more compassion and asking him to pass the mashed potatoes.
May your Thanksgiving dinner table be a brave space for you and your loved ones this year.
I hope it will be for mine.
11/26/24
